musings and rantings of a blue state non bio mom

Politicizing my daily life...again

2006-06-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

Happy June, everyone.

It's pouring here and has been for two days now. The basil in the garden is getting flooded, and everything outside is slippery and yucky. Only the mosquitoes seem to be enjoying the environment right now. And with a pregnant wife and a sick dog, we are doing more than our fair share of ruining the ozone layer and producing greenhouse gases with our non-stop AC usage. But at least we don't really drive our gas-guzzling twin-and-dog-mobile.

Anyway, on the ranting front, I was doing my daily blogroll when I came across W's radio address--now the man could be dealing with something urgent, like his disastrous war in Iraq, the Haditha massacre, rising gas prices, global warming, or any other host of important issues that have eluded him. But NOOOO---he has to go ahead and deal with the really significant issue of our time--campaigning to ban gay marriage. Because, after all, you know that "President Mandate" would not squander his precious time on trivial aspects of life focused on by, say, the likes of "Ozone Man" Gore.

This just gets me boiling mad.

Meanwhile--other aspects of my life tickle me in ways that I cannot even express---Baby B (Olivia? Hallie?) has been kicking up a storm all morning. My hand has been plastered to BioMom's burgeoning tummy and I've been playing the "OK, Baby, Kick" game for hours. Tons of fun and it makes me giggle and jump for joy. I cannot wait to meet these two wonderful characters.

Today we'll be launching our second offensive on the hall closet and girls' room---there's tons of stuff in both (some of which I can no longer identify). We'll be doing this while babysitting our adorable next door neighbor Karina:

Her mommy and daddy need to go off to the Burn Unit at a local hospital. Daddy (our next door neighbor) was making dinner last night when the oil in his pan caught fire and burned his hand really badly (second and third degree burns, up and down his right arm). Frightening. We're really worried about him---he's extremely stoic and not all that good at taking care of himself (he is most excellent at taking care of others, but that's part of the problem) and even through the morphine and percocet, it must have hurt like hell. It's his driving hand (he has a stick shift) and his writing hand, and we're not sure what the prognosis is yet. It's frightening how much can go wrong in such a short period of time. Keep fingers crossed for him.

Sorry for My Long Hiatus

2006-05-30T11:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry about being absent for so long. I was off doing research and, even though I had dial up internet from the apartment I rented, either the slow connection or the fact that I was in the Eastern bloc (or former Eastern bloc) kept prompting blogger to crash Safari every time I tried to log onto this blog. It was truly frustrating because so much happened in this two week period.

1. The 20 week anatomy scan went well. There's actually a chance that the girls are identical twins (the experienced ultrasound tech was marvelling at how similar the two of them look). And, so you can see for yourselves, here are some of the pics:

2. We finally settled on names: Hallie Rose and Olivia Skye. With a hyphenated last name.

3. And then, two days after I got back, I FELT them MOVE. It was amazing. Biomom has been able to feel them for weeks, but it was amazing for me to feel them through her. She's 22 weeks today!

That's all for now! More later!

Amnio Results are in!!!

2006-05-07T22:05:00.001-07:00

By Thursday, the two of us were going crazy waiting for the results of the Amnio. I know they said two weeks, but we were hoping to find out sooner. So Biomom called over to the genetics diagnostics section of the Hospital and finally, late in the day, they called her back. They had results for Baby B but not for Baby A: Baby B was a girl and totally fine. They had no info on Baby A (about whom we were more concerned because of femur length issues) because, apparently, the cells culture at different rates. So we waited. I had to give a final on Friday, so I was out of commission for most of the afternoon. I was thinking about the amnio results all afternoon long, but I couldn't leave my phone on during the exam. Not only is it bad form, but that's precisely the sort of behavior I won't tolerate from my students. Anyway, I got out of my exam and called Biomom immediately, but she was on the phone. Finally, I got a hold of her, and she was angry that she could not get a hold of me (or her sister, or her mom, or anyone else, for that matter). Turns out that she had to call the genetics folks again, but they got back to her immediately this time, and Baby A was also fine, and also a girl.

So the name game begins in earnest (and we have even more faith in the capabilities of the ultrasound nurse). The choices now are leaning towards:

Ariana Rachel

and

Savannah something or another beginning with or containing an L.

But we are also considering Hallie and Harper and Hunter instead of Ariana, and Simone instead of Savannah. I also like Sophie or Sophia and Sonia instead of Savannah, but don't have much traction on these choices from Biomom (YET).

Vote early and often!

BSNBM

Amnio Results are in!!!

2006-05-07T22:05:00.000-07:00

my poor doggie!

2006-04-29T06:22:00.000-07:00

My poor dog. She's always been an unwell animal--she's a Shar-pei, and unfortunately like many of her breed, has been horribly and inappropriately inbred. Biomom and I have given her the best possible care to deal with her myriad problems (including, but not limited to arthritis; Shar-pei fever, which is a complicated autoimmune disease that leaves her skin fragile, her gastrointestinal tract delicate, and her limbs painful; and a whole bunch of other probably related allergic responses. She's been in and out of the Penn Vet hospital and we've done -- and continue to do -- everything we can to ensure that she's got a decent quality of life. In return (and by nature) she has been a great, sweet, loving dog who frightens lots of other people with her bark and her anxiety attacks, but whom we love intensely.

Anyway, she goes for regular bloodwork to make sure that her liver is okay given the huge number of drugs she's on (including but not limited to prednisone, colchicine and ursodial for her liver, and a designer drug that costs a fortune that is usually used in leukemia but not in her case). Anyway, her last liver panels were elevated, so we were going to go in yesterday for a blood check in any event. But meanwhile, on Thursday, while Biomom and I were away at work, Bailey the dog had a bout of diarrhea (or several really). I cleaned things up when I got home but we decided to try to get her more thoroughly checked out.

I called her Penn Vet doc on Friday morning, leaving an extensive message about her symptoms (which included a distended abdomen) and I took her into our local vet for our bloodwork session (usually a lot cheaper and easier than our Penn vet). Bailey was lethargic (she hadn't eaten in 24 hours) and could hardly be coaxed to walk to the vet (it took us about a half hour to make it four blocks). When she finally got there and was seen, we did a full check up (on the advice of the Penn vet who was alarmed enough by my message to call me back within the hour). To make a long depressing story somewhat shorter, it turns out that the distended abdomen had nothing to do with her Shar-pei fever or any other of the million problems she has but is a huge tumorous mass. From what we saw on the xray, it's about the size of a large orange or small grapefruit.

We hightailed it over to Penn to see if we could get an ultrasound yesterday, but four hours and 100 dollars later (a drop in the bucket in the larger scheme of things), we left at 5 pm with the info that we'd have to come back today by 7am and admit her then (they wanted us to leave her but we didn't want her to spend the night away from home; this was a good call since she had a pretty good night and was feeling a lot better today).

She's now been checked in to Penn and we're waiting to hear about her status. We're really attached to this dog but we don't want her to suffer unnecessarily or have a real poor quality of life. I am not even sure what the ultrasound will tell us---really it might not tell us anything. At best, if only her spleen or liver is involved and no other organs or major blood vessels, they might be able to do surgery to remove the tumor. But she's not a particularly good surgery candidate (since she's been on steroids for so long) and healing will be hard even in the best case scenario. And knowing Bailey, we're probably not dealing wiht a best case scenario here...

The whole process is going to be hugely expensive, and of course that has me worried with little flex in the budget and two little ones on the way, and Biomom taking off some time from work. I've been pretty good about paying down debt, but there's still some outstanding long-term debt, and here we are adding to it. If we can give her back a reasonable quality of life, it's worth the money (within reason). But the big question here is "if" and I am not certain how to gauge the answer to that. Bailey is old (8.5 years) and in poor health and clearly in pain right now. I just want to do the right thing for her...

Sadly,

BSNBM

drumroll please....

2006-04-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

Here are the kids, just shy of seventeen weeks:

Our favorite is the following image, where the two kids are tete-a-tete:

During the ultrasound, Baby A was lounging with hands clasped behind head and kicking a lot; Baby B did a flip. It was totally cool. And yesterday, BioMom felt at least one of them for the first time.

Though this is not confirmed (it will be when we get the amnio results), apparently (according to the super cool ultrasound tech who was happy to spend a long time with us showing us the kids), BOTH ARE GIRLS.

And so, the question du jour is: do we give them androgynous/cool first names with femmier middle names , or do we bow to public pressure and give them girlier first names. WE NEED YOUR HELP!

BSNBM

Al Gore Moves Closer to Affirming Gay Marriage

2006-04-24T06:28:00.003-07:00

It's refreshing to see that Al Gore, who back during the Clinton presidency supported the ill-conceived DOMA legislation had this to say on March 25th at the HRC gala dinner:

"It is that love, after all, that is at the heart of why everybody is here. That is what must be honored and respected. Your right to fall in love with who you fall in love with. And your right to expect that that will be recognized with the same dignity and honor that love is recognized for other couples. Love is transcendent and fulfilling and powerful and any force on earth that endeavors to make you feel that you should be ashamed for feeling genuine, deep love for another of your choosing is a form of oppression.

…Much has been made of the second simple truth — the first being that love … that transcendent feeling is at the center of all the debates. The second simple fact is that — it’s been mentioned here — is that when your fellow Americans come to know you for who you are, everything changes. But the so-called Catch 22 that discrimination and oppression put you in, is that the law requires gays and lesbians in the military or in job settings where they have no protection or in other settings where discrimination is rampant — if the law and the culture of society requires you to be closed and secret and inauthentic and to pretend that you are not who you are, then you are not allowed to use your basic humanity to change the minds and hearts of those around you. You must have the right to be who you are, just as I have the right to be who I am.

As I was on the way here, I reflected on why is there so much controversy about the question of equality for gays and lesbians. Why? This fight has been so long and so hard for something that is so simple and so right."

For more on this, see Pam Spaulding's analysis at Al Gore's Evolution on Same-Sex Marriage

On an unrelated topic: amnio went well, BioMom is feeling pretty good, and we'll have the results a week from this Friday. More later, including the latest pictures of the kids and some news about their probable genders!

BSNBM

The Decider in Chief

2006-04-20T11:07:00.000-07:00

Just have a second...but check this out... It's pretty funny, or it would be funny if it weren't depressing. Be sure to read the lyrics. They're great.

I'm The Decider

Amnio Tomorrow....

2006-04-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

...wish us luck.

Meanwhile, the great name game continues. It'll be nice to have an actual sense of what we're having before we negotiate the names, but here they are. Feel free to vote:

If it's boy/girl:

Holden Ellis (boy)
Spencer Ryan (girl)

If it's boy/boy:
Holden Ellis
Spencer Ryan (yup, totally gender free)

or

Holden Ross or Holden Reese
Spencer Lucas

if it's girl/girl:

Hallie something-with-an-L-sound in it (maybe Loren?)
Spencer Ryan

These names are subject to change. Basically, we need an H name, an R name, an S name and something with an L in it. Any votes for alternative names? Do these names sound too dorky, too distinctive?

We are, as you can probably already tell, not interested in having the kids named the same thing as half the kids in their classes are named---but we don't want them to get teased too much for their names, either.

So any ideas you might have will be gratefully accepted...

BSNBM

crazy, crazy week

2006-04-14T21:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry about my somewhat prolonged absence. As I think I mentioned a while ago, we had an ultrasound last Friday to check Sharon's cervical length. Happily, I did not have to throw myself on the table and stage a sit in to demand that we also see the kids---in fact, that was the very first thing the technician spent considerable time doing. They were MUCH bigger than they had been two weeks earlier (even though they were still comparatively small, weighing in at about 3 ounces apiece.

And so, drum-roll please, here they are:

Now, the really great thing is that they both had heart beats, they were both moving, and one of them has Biomom's cute little upturned nose.

The slightly disconcerting thing is that their femurs both measured quite short (in the 20th percentile or so). While this probably means nothing whatsoever, Biomom got on the 'net and found that this is correlated with a higher probability of Down's Syndrome.

So, after a weekend of stress, we decided to go ahead and do an amnio (though we aren't telling anyone---other than the whole blogosphere, of course). This happens next Friday and the really stressful thing is that we won't have results for a whole two weeks (probably not until our 20th week anatomy scan). So, keep your fingers crossed that all is okay.

Meanwhile, our 15.5 week checkup was today, and that went really well. I adore our OB--she's responsive, patient, supportive, and has a ton of experience with twins (she has five sets cooking right now). I'm really glad we took the advice of our RE and went to this particular practice (which also functions like a well-oiled machine more generally).

Anyway, hopefully things will go well next Friday and we'll then know the sex of the kids (and then begin the great name game in earnest).

Stay tuned for updates!

BSNBM

have we had enough yet?

2006-04-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

I'm fed up at this government and everything for which it stands. I never could take it and I certainly can't take it now. This week's revelations about Bush/Cheney's role in the Valerie Plame leak/Joe Wilson discrediting has me fuming---the Congress is willing to impeach a president for interpreting oral sex as not sex at all, when they're not willing to do the same for a president who wastes the tax-payers' money (not their own; the rich no longer have to pay taxes, natch) on a Grand Jury investigation into a leak that it interprets as 'declassification' and 'disclosure'! Amazing.

Then, we have Sy Hersh's incredible report (he's the guy who broke the Mai Lai massacre and Abu Ghraib)--forthcoming in the New Yorker this week The Iran Plans--that the US is considering nuking Iran (like that'll influence hearts and minds).

I'm sick of this guy; I'm sick of everything he does. I am sick of Rummy, Rove, Cheney, and Condi (never mind the stupid laudatory article on her piano prowess in the Arts and Leisure section of the Sunday NY Times). I'm tired of all of this and I am not alone.

For your listening pleasure, head on over here DEAR MR PRESIDENT and have a listen to this Indigo Girls anti Bush tune. And then make sure you are registered to vote!

Raves, rants, and the great stroller hunt

2006-04-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

In the larger world of rants, I am happy that I have a rave--in support of Russ Feingold's support to Gay Marriage. Feingold is one of the few and brave out there who acknowledges that legalizing gay marriage is the only fair thing to do: Russ Feingold Speaks Out in Support of Gay Marriage

If anything, we could argue that gay marriage recuperates marriage for all people, but I'm not even going to go there!

What else? Life has been relatively uneventful in the land of twin procreation. Morning sickness is still with us, alas, and the smell of food cooking still makes Biomom pretty queasy. This has us experimenting with all sorts of main dish salads (beef, chicken, etc cut up into small, unrecognizable pieces and tossed among fresh, not cooked, veggies) and protein-powder laced smoothies (that may or may not go down easily). It's a bit of a struggle, but I think the kids are getting most of what they need nutritionally (and whatever else they need, they'll probably leech from Biomom).

Biomom's boss is being alternatively helpful and snarky. Biomom's been having a lot of trouble getting sufficient rest (she has sleep problems generally) and has been working what is a bit of a modified schedule of 11 to 7 or so---8 hours at the very least on most days. To her face, bossman is being supportive and telling her that he wants her to do everything to reduce her stress level, but behind her back, it's a different story. This has us a bit worried since we're afraid of how this will impact her performance review, her stature at her company etc. I don't think anyone will fire her (that's litigatable, anyway), but the idea of her job being precarious and us having twins to care for is a bit daunting. Hopefully this will straighten itself out. Yuck.

My life is pretty much the same as usual---I'm spending a lot of it working, the rest of it shopping for twin strollers and things like that. It's amazing how few good ones there are out there. Our requirement for the post-infant-car-seat period is that the stroller be comfy, safe, easy to push around on city sidewalks, light enough to handle, and relatively easy to get through narrow doors (an urban hazard). Right now, the choice seems to be narrowed down to a few.

Candidate One: The Tike-Tech Double Trouble Stroller

This one comes in cheery blue, red, and maroon; has pretty good reviews on Amazon; is light; and weighs in at a relatively affordable 299.99.

Candidate Two: Behind Door number two is the Mountain Buggy Urban Double Stroller.

The colors are less bold than those of the Tike-Tech but this is a very highly rated stroller. It's supposed to be quite comfy and easy to steer. Problem is that it's 650 dollars. Crazy.

Candidate Three: Baby Jogger City Double.

This one has good ratings too--perhaps even better than those of the Mountain Buggy, but is a hefty 550.

Any advice? And any ideas why NONE of these come with built in cupholders? Honestly, for the price, I'd expect somewhere to stash my coffee (or at least waterbottle). Especially on something that bills itself as an Urban buggy, and not a jogging stroller per se.

Well, that's all for now. Hopefully we'll have some cool picks to upload from our Friday ultrasound!

US MEDIA: Tolerance Unwelcome Here....

2006-03-29T11:13:00.000-08:00

OK, it's been a while since I've ranted, but I feel one coming on.

It seems like liberal, tolerant religion is just too...well, tolerant...for our so-called liberal media. While they'll run the hate-filled dross produced by bigots like Focus on the Family, this ad is just way to risque for them. The major networks have all refused to air the following advertisement, which the United Church of Christ is sponsoring:

God Is Still Speaking: The Ad the Networks Don't Want You to See

The ad will run on cable (probably not Faux news, or is it Shlocks news?) but on CNN and other cable networks. Still, what are they afraid of? That too much tolerance and inclusiveness in society will somehow do in the American way?

Anyway, watch the ad, pass it on, and complain to ABC.

BSNBM

First Signs O' Spring

2006-03-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

It's finally spring like around here. After a few really warm (nearly 80 degree days) we plunged once more into the depths of winter (damn that groundhog!). That lasted, as predicted, what was probably another 6 weeks (felt like longer). Finally, today was lovely. The tomatos and cukes and other assorted seeds that are sprouting in their little tray spent the day outside and I took a nice long walk (running errands, alas, but still a walk). If I wasn't so behind on EVERYTHING (how did I manage to get six weeks behind in four? That's better than Stalin's purported First Five Year Plan), I'd be thrilled.

So, it's off to work now. But here's my image of spring for your enjoyment. The sad reality is that most everything else is grey and messy--some green stalks of bulbs sprouting but other than a crocus or two and one lone daffodil, this is pretty much it right now!

Cheers

BSNBM

weekend update

2006-03-25T23:43:00.000-08:00

...or should I say weekly update?

Sorry about the hiatus; it's been a hectic week. Since I've last left off we have:

1. met with our OB
2. consulted with prenatal genetics diagnosis counselors
3. made an appointment with the nutritionist recommended by our OB
4. got to the point where Non Bio Mom (that's me) reacquired her jeans and Bio Mom moved on to maternity jeans

First things first.

The OB seems great---not only did she do a thorough exam on Bio Mom but she was also sensitive to the fact that we are in Ultrasound withdrawal and spent a ton of time talking with both of us. Happily, no one at all at the hospital so far has acted in any way other than to suggest that I am also the parent of these future kids. I guess that's in part due to the fact that we are hardly the tip of the gay-by boom in this urban metropolis, but I still appreciate the sensitivity of the hospital staff to this particular issue. Anyway, the OB also seemed sensitive to the multiple nature of this pregnancy and set us up for a meeting with a nutritionist and a cervical length ultrasound (I do hope they film more than the cervix; as alluring as I am sure Bio Mom's cervix is, it's the kids I want to see!). This happens in a couple of weeks, when I hear the kids will be about 5 inches long and weigh a few ounces apiece.

We also heard both heart beats on the doppler during our visit---that was super cool. They were each in the 140s or so and sounded quite distinct from one another, no doubt because one is anterior and one is posterior. The former (I think) sounded more distinct, and the latter more like it was underwater (makes sense since it was blocked by amniotic fluid). But very cool.

Anyway, on Friday, we met with the genetics counselor to talk about testing. All of the blood tests pretty much are out (quad screen, etc) because the levels come back elevated with twins. This leaves the CVS and Amnio options---the former is done a lot earlier than the latter but both take about 2 weeks for results with the lab that Bio Mom's insurance uses. CVS has a 1% chance of resulting in miscarriage, whereas amnio has only a half of a percent chance. Bio Mom is 35 and amnio is considered something to which one should give thought after 35 with a singleton but after 33 wtih twins. I probably would have gone ahead and scheduled an amnio were it my body, but Bio Mom is a bit more hesitant and frankly, in this case, she trumps me (and I am happy with that). However, we agreed that if anything turns up at the 20 week anatomy scan, we should proceed with the amnio.

This, of course, raises several interesting issues, the most important being: What do we do and how do we handle things if there is a problem picked up by the amnio? Bio Mom is not sure how she feels. I am pretty sure how I feel: were we to have one special needs kid (and some of the trisomy possibilities and spina bifida issues reviewed with us seem quite alarming, frankly), my sense is that we would end up not being terribly good parents for either of the kids. One reason, frankly, for CVS is that you find out about some problems a lot earlier than you do with amnio and hence my sense is that qualms about reduction would probably be less distinct than if you are in week 21. But nevertheless, that's where i stand and hopefully we won't have to make any decisions about these sorts of things and everything will be fine. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Speaking of which: our absolutely fantastic next door neighbors (have I expressed how lucky we are to live where we do?) who just had a baby (coming up on three weeks now) had some hard times this week. Mom was bleeding profusely and either because she did not express sufficient urgency or because her doctors were less than on top of things, she ended up with a raging infection. It seems that they never removed all of the placenta. Then, to make things worse, her milk ducts got plugged up and perhaps because of that or because of some other problem, she has a boob infection (one breast is way inflamed, painful, etc and hopefully doesn't contain abcesses). She had fevers from Monday until today that ranged from 102-104 and that the antibiotics she was on were not bringing down. Fortunately, they switched drugs on Thursday and things are beginning to improve, and happily the doctors (who no doubt were nervous about a law suit) pushed to get her back onto the maternity wward so that her baby could be with her. The whole thing was pretty tough, though, even if things are improving at this point.

Anyway, not much else. No time to rant about politics tonight (though I am sure that there is plenty to complain about on that front).

And from now on, I will try to be more faithful!

BSNBM

Every Sperm is Sacred

2006-03-16T08:16:00.000-08:00

My morning blogroll uncovered this hugely progressive development:

House GOP Bans County Health Clinics From Providing Birth Control

Seems that the House of fine state of Missouri, in an effort to turn back the clock and return us to the days prior to Griswold v. Connecticut, has voted 96-59 to delete the funding for contraception and infertility treatments after Rep. Susan Phillips told lawmakers that anti-abortion groups such as Missouri Right to Life were opposed to the spending.

As near as I can tell, this decision is informed by the following impeccable logic: life begins at ejaculation, not fertilization. (Unless of course you are infertile. That's apparently a different story, no doubt one infused with the panic that perhaps someone other than straight married folks--perhaps someone like me and BioMom--might seek out fertility treatments).
Thus, from now on, clinics can't even mention contraception. How enlightened.

And, naturally, that very same enlightened institution--the Catholic Church--that has come out against gays and lesbians adopting unwanted, unintended babies in places like Massachusetts and now California--supports this legislation because it means that the upstanding citizens of Missouri no longer have to challenge their ethical and moral beliefs by supporting clinics that help women avoid unintended pregnancies. Great.

Time to wake up, America!

The Kids Are Alright!

2006-03-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

Well, we're just back from the RE and they look fine. They're measuring on schedule (4.9 and 5.8 centimeters, or thereabouts) and their yolk sacs are fine. They moved around a whole lot less than last week (BioMom was a bit worried about this) but I pointed out that the ultrasound machine at the RE's office is a lot less sensitive than the one at the hospital (yet probably a lot more sensitive than the one at the regular OB's office). There was no pooling of blood detected by the ultrasound tech (and we had the nice one--the one who did NOT mistake me for BioMom's mother--is it my fault that I look my age and she looks twelve?) (But he's also nice because he actually is sensitive to the fact that inserting a dildocam and moving it around a lot just might be a tad bit painful for women, esp pregnant ones who woke up feeling nauseous). Anyway, the spotting remains unexplained, but I hope it stops happening. The kids should not be worrying their moms so much already. There is plenty of time for that.

I really like the REs. It's true that they don't really deal with people who are relatively advanced in pregnancy (as our RE pointed out, she never gets to see ultrasounds of babies that big) but they are really supportive and totally interested in how we're doing. I think it would be unfair for me to conclude that our OBs are not (especially since we've yet to formally meet them, and they did call us back both times really quickly), but right now, I'm a bit guarded. Anyway, I'll keep y'all posted on this, since we are scheduled for our first OB appointment on Friday and maybe then we'll have more answers about the intermittent spotting---like, is it related to a soft cervix, a burrowing placenta, or something else entirely (or nothing at all---which is what gets concluded in the majority of cases. It's amazing how little we really know about the human body, and particularly about the pregnant human body).

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for the support that all of you have been giving us. Hopefully this is the end of the worrisome bleeding.

BSNBM

Too worried to rant about politics...

2006-03-13T12:36:00.000-08:00

or even check the latest news. Bio Mom started spotting again yesterday--this time brownish (which my somewhat exhaustive web survey suggests is a good thing, because the blood is old). No cramping, but she feels like crap, generally. Of course this has me very anxious. BioMom called the OB (the one we haven't met yet, since our first appointment is not until this Friday) who basically said 'stop worrying, we'll see you on Friday.' No more ultrasounds at hospitals for us: since things were good last week, we have to assume that a. things are still good or b. it's too late to doing anything if things are no longer good with the peanuts. Not terribly reassuring, really. We then called the RE who will have us in for an ultrasound tomorrow morning (GO RE's OFFICE!). So let's keep our fingers crossed! Hopefully we'll know more tomorrow, and hopefully what we know will be good news.

BSNBM

The Scariest Campaign Commercial I've Ever Seen...

2006-03-11T06:57:00.000-08:00

Vernon Robinson is an African American running for office in North Carolina whose promises include a return to traditional values and never to "go native." One presumes he means restoring power to the Klan, refurbishing all of those "coloured only" water fountains, as well as attacks on gays, 'aliens' and radical judges features in this commercial:

Vernon Robinson's sick commercial

This is a pretty amazing video (and hats off to Pam's House Blend and Crooks and Liars for posting it). One wonders how soon before whomever owns the rights to The Twilight Zone and Leave it To Beaver sue the pants off of this bozo.

If you are in North Carolina district where Robinson is running or know anyone who does, PLEASE mobilize against the scary guy. But the reason I'm crossposting this is that this is unfortunately indicative of the scare politics of the right. I guess they're right--gays who marry and Ten Commandments controversies really *are* so much more important issues than extending health care, educating our population, upholding civil liberties and constitutional values and other really insignificant stuff like that....

BSNBM

Cutting off one's nose to spite the children

2006-03-10T22:44:00.000-08:00

Just had to vent about this article:

Catholic Charities Halt Adoptions Over Issue Involving Gays

It's amazing to me how much of a sham 'the culture of life' folks are. Because a handful of the folks adopting hard-to-adopt kids through the Catholic Charities just happen to be gay, the Church is ending all adoptions in Massachusetts. How ridiculous! Is it really that much better to let kids languish in the system without adequate parental care and love than it is to allow kids to join stable, loving families that just happen to be composed of same sex partners? Honestly.

Friday Pet Blogging

2006-03-10T22:26:00.000-08:00

This was the only picture of Boo (aka Bailey Boo), the world's most expensive Shar-pei. Right now, she's draped over the couch (two legs hanging down) kind of chilling and looks much cuter than she does in this particular picture. (Also, our hallway is no longer a medley of band-aid peach and navy surplus lime green and is instead a textural Ralph Lauren sandstone complemented by a high-gloss white, which is a vast improvement). Anyway, Bailey costs us a few hundred dollars a month in a good month and considerably more than that in a bad month. Not to mention the fact that she hogs the bed (she used to hog the full bed; now she hogs the queen sized bed. I suspect that if we ever decided we could fit a king size bed up the narrow staircase -- or airlifted one in -- that she'd manage to hog that one, too). But she is worth every hard earned penny because she's a totally sweet (if fearsome to strangers) dog and we love her. Hopefully she won't feel too displaced by the babies.

On other notes: Happy Belated International Women's Day. I've been dressed down by one of my real-life friends (who now lives in Peru) a couple of days ago for forgetting to mention this -- as she rightfully pointed out, my feminist credentials are in danger of being withdrawn. So, this is for you Marie!

Otherwise: I want to blog my response to Trans America (which I thought was very good and I really think both Dolly and Felicity Huffman deserved rewards for their song and role, respectively) but am way too tired to do that right now. So more on this topic later.

BSNBM

Situational Science in our Post-Reality-Based-World

2006-03-08T10:36:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Doonesbury. I have nothing to add to this except for a few, deep reality-based sighs.

Click below for the original URL:

Wednesday Morning Wonderings

2006-03-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

Why can't people just do what they feel passionate about in life? I teach college and, when I ask them what they intend to do with their lives once they've finished school (an admittedly awful question to be asked), most of my students answer: "I am going to law school" or "I will go into business." When I ask them why, they respond that they have no idea what else to do with their lives and this is their default position because it seems respectable and lucrative.

Then I ask them a better question: What are you passionate about? If there were no constraints, what would you really want to do in life?" The student who just left my office said "I've always wanted to be a chef. I'd really like to go to cooking school. But I need to make money, and if I'm going to be a chef, why I am here (at high powered but not too high powered liberal arts institution that costs big bucks)?" The answer to his last question is pretty simple for me: to get an education (chefs are better chefs when they've read Marx, right?). But then again I am not paying the big bucks. But it does make me wonder: wouldn't we be better off embracing our dreams than embracing some ideal money-making-career that we hate?

I hope that I can raise my kids this way: learn because you love to learn, and do something in life about which you are passionate. And if the two things are connected, great. If not, just be a well-read carpenter (god knows I need more bookshelves), or plumber, or chef, or whatever your heart guides you to be.

BSNBM

Tuesday Morning Musings and Rantings

2006-03-07T05:49:00.000-08:00

This morning, I don't have to be up and out early (we have a field trip today and I've engineered it so that I get to stay home and not travel 2.5 hours by train and foot to work, which is, sadly, the normal routine. That should be fun later on when I have to get twins up, fed, dressed, and out of the house...)

Anyhoo, that lets me get to my early morning blog check earlier. And several blog entries today give me pause.

First, there's this: Gay Prevention Programs Hurt Teens

Now, this article on the harm the Gay Prevention wingnut movement does to teens provokes several sentiments in me simultaneously. First, there's outrage. Pure and simple. And pain. And an awful sense of identification with those poor kids. I was raised in an Orthodox Jewish community---my family wasn't terribly religious per se, but all of my friends were and this was the dominant strain at my school. One might even call it an "orthodoxy" were one a sociologist (ha!). Anyway, there was no room for gay or lesbian identity--that was deviant and bad and had to be trained out of you (in fact, years subsequent to graduating high school, I came across an article written by my least favorite teacher, who permanently turned me off to algebra, calc, and other math related subjects, discussing how a gay teen at my yeshivah turned to him and his advice was that the kid get reprogrammed). So my heart goes out for these kids, because they feel totally alone in the world and if they are growing up in a less urban environment than the one in which I live, or if they are situated in a highly religious community, and subject to intolerance on a daily basis, then things are even worse. Even the most urbanized, cool, kid no doubt has trouble dealing with all the new sexual feelings (of whatever inclination) that washes over his or her body for the first time in his or her life. But when this new sexual feeling is directed at an object that's deemed utterly repulsive, and that turns you into a monster who is deviant, then what? Makes the higher gay and lesbian teenage suicide rate seem explicable, but not acceptable.

Second issue this raises, in a totally other direction: what if my kids (MY KIDS!!! MY GOD that's what they are!) end up embracing other kinds of identities that I don't entirely approve of (or openly disapprove of). I remember, some time right around the awful 2004 election, Dan Savage (I think) wrote an op-ed in the NY Times about the likely possibility that gaybies end up becoming Right Wingers. Wow. Don't know how I'll handle that. Any advice?

On an entirely other topic, there's this article on South Dakota's governor banning nearly all abortions and threatening doctors with up to five year sentences should they continue to perform the procedure: South Dakota Governor Bans Most Abortions

On the one hand, it's hard to imagine choosing to abort a fetus once you've actually seen one up close and personal (like yesterday). But the thing of it is this: note my use of the verb "choose." Having a child, or not having a child, is a choice. It's not something that others should legislate for you, one way or another. It should be a woman's decision, and one ideally made along with those close to her--her partner, her family more generally, as long as they are supportive of her. But it's her body (god knows the woman upstairs is going through a whole hell of a lot of uncomfortable somatic changes---peeing, eating, nauseous constantly---because she is carrying around a couple of fetuses). So, no matter what my experience of seeing fetuses waving (and they are not really waving since brain waves haven't quite developed, and even if I can see them they cannot possibly see me since their eyes have yet to develop), my sentiments on this matter are pretty clearcut. Not to mention that, if the right wing gets its way here, guess what: Lesbians won't be able to choose to use ART to get pregnant, either (see Indiana's recent attempts to ban ART for any woman not married to a man who has her husband's consent).

Twins: Ultrasound pictures just shy of 10 weeks

2006-03-06T11:41:00.000-08:00

Well, Bio Mom and I had a bit of a scare last night when Bio Mom spotted a tiny bit. We called the OB office (we've yet to actually see a genuine OB because we were discharged from our Reproductive Endocrinologist last week and are in pregnancy limbo right now). The very helpful doc on call called us back in the middle of Dolly Parton's Oscar performance (surely some sort of omen) and let us know that we could get an ultrasound done today. Phew. We were in withdrawal anyway; turns out we're ultrasound junkies and going almost three weeks without pics of the wee ones was killing us.

It's easy to be blase about this all now that there's no problem, but I was really afraid we had lost one.

Anyway, they are both fine: they measure normal range size for their ages (just a day shy of 10 weeks since LMP) and their hearts are each beating at 160 bpm. Lovely. One of them even waved at us (sort of).

And so, for your enjoyment, here are the pics:

Take A Walk on the Dark Side

2006-03-06T11:03:00.000-08:00

This just in from Media Matters (a great website about truth in media):

Fox at the Oscars: Homosexuality among the "darker themes this year"

While introducing a segment on the 78th Annual Academy Awards on the March 5 edition of Fox News' Fox News Live, anchor Gregg Jarrett noted that the films nominated in the Best Picture category dealt with themes such as "homosexuality; homicide bombings; political assassinations," and that Hollywood was "going with a lot of darker themes this year." As Jarrett spoke, onscreen text read: "Hollywood walks on the darker side." (On principle, I won't link to Fox---but you can find it for yourself if you feel like it!)

ANYHOW....

It comforts me no end to know that cuddling with my lover and admitting that we are a couple is right up there with lobbing IEDs, shooting vice presidents (oops: did I mean being SHOT by vice presidents? Well, either way...), and the like. Phew. I was beginning to feel like my love life was being normalized or something.

Happy post Oscars!

BSNBM

2006-03-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

One word: Frightening. I'm actually not sure who's more frightening of the two of em. Enjoy.

news from the fine state of New Jersey

2006-03-04T09:44:00.000-08:00

I have a love hate relationship with New Jersey. On the one hand, as a New Yorker and now as a Philadelphian, New Jersey has always seemed to be the armpit in the middle. Not to mention the fact that it has no media markets, no truly important urban centers (always significant for this not-really-driving-urbanite) and too many strip malls per capita for my comfort and a reputation for big mall hair, to boot. On the other hand there is a lot to recommend the state: it's where my wife hails from (we even used Tom Wait's "Jersey Girl" as our recessional at the commitment ceremony), liberal alcohol purchasing laws (PA has a ridiculous state system; I don't mind the state taxes but I do resent that you cannot purchase things from vineyards with whom the state does not do business), better public schools, and bluer politics.

So, this just in from the Asbury Park News: Court withholds decision on lesbian couple's request for parental rights. Now the title seems ominous, but that the judge hasn't rendered a negative decision is pretty good. Here's a link to the whole article:

http://pageoneq.com/rssfeedstuff/index.php?id=6322

The substance of the matter is that a non-bio mom is petitioning to be included on the birth certificate of her and her partner's child, conceived through artificial insemination. The basis of the argument is that, if men get listed on the birth certificates of children conceived by their wives through AI using Donor Sperm, then why not list lesbian partners as parents in the same way, therefore bypassing the costs and delays involved in Second Parent Adoption? Don't get me wrong: I am all for second-parent adoption (sure beats the limbo status of not being able to adopt). But it takes time (in Philly 3 months at least, and in other parts of my less than truly blue state much longer because it involves home visits etc; each county determines criteria for second parent adoption and less than liberal counties like Lancaster have included a lot of hoops through which to jump), and it takes money (cheapest, in the thousands and can run much more than this). Meanwhile, should anything happen to me, the wee ones will not collect my Social Security (until such time as our Government decides to abolish it and send old folks to icebergs in the Arctic...oops, forgot that those are melting; I guess out to sea, then). And I might have troubles with visitation rights, etc. Not to mention the rhetorical importance of being recognized immediately as a family, which is what we will be.

Anyway, will be interesting to see what happens in New Jersey. I cannot believe I am saying this, but if they do okay this: I want my kids to be born there. I might even move there!

BSNBM

wow...my very own blog...this time for real

2006-03-04T08:21:00.000-08:00

My efforts at procrastination continue. Rather than read the material I was crazy enough to assign this week, I am blogging. Mostly out of frustration. I love commenting on other folks' blogs but can't publish them easily without a blog of my own (who knew that we needed more than 50 pounds and a room to be truly self sufficient?). So here I am. Blogging this.

In the future, this will be useful for a couple of important reasons:

1. My lovely wife is upstairs gestating our twins (to be born in early fall, to coincide rather crazily with the start of the school year) and we will want to get the two of them blogging from day one.

2. The pregnancy is wonderful but so far its somatic impact is pretty wretched. Or should I say retched?. This weeks' adventure: what smells/tastes/food/thoughts of food/descriptions of food etc will promote wretching, gagging and heaving? So far it seems the kids hate anything that has a smell, taste, or description. Fun.

3. I'd love to have a record of the good times and the bad.

Anyway, welcome to my pathetic tiny blog and I hope to add more interesting stuff later!

Blue State Non Bio Mom (BSNBM)