musings and rantings of a blue state non bio mom

the real-life adventures of me, my partner, and our journey through ivf-enabled same sex TWIN motherhood (with not so infrequent rantings about politics in general).

Saturday, March 04, 2006

news from the fine state of New Jersey

I have a love hate relationship with New Jersey. On the one hand, as a New Yorker and now as a Philadelphian, New Jersey has always seemed to be the armpit in the middle. Not to mention the fact that it has no media markets, no truly important urban centers (always significant for this not-really-driving-urbanite) and too many strip malls per capita for my comfort and a reputation for big mall hair, to boot. On the other hand there is a lot to recommend the state: it's where my wife hails from (we even used Tom Wait's "Jersey Girl" as our recessional at the commitment ceremony), liberal alcohol purchasing laws (PA has a ridiculous state system; I don't mind the state taxes but I do resent that you cannot purchase things from vineyards with whom the state does not do business), better public schools, and bluer politics.

So, this just in from the Asbury Park News: Court withholds decision on lesbian couple's request for parental rights. Now the title seems ominous, but that the judge hasn't rendered a negative decision is pretty good. Here's a link to the whole article:

The substance of the matter is that a non-bio mom is petitioning to be included on the birth certificate of her and her partner's child, conceived through artificial insemination. The basis of the argument is that, if men get listed on the birth certificates of children conceived by their wives through AI using Donor Sperm, then why not list lesbian partners as parents in the same way, therefore bypassing the costs and delays involved in Second Parent Adoption? Don't get me wrong: I am all for second-parent adoption (sure beats the limbo status of not being able to adopt). But it takes time (in Philly 3 months at least, and in other parts of my less than truly blue state much longer because it involves home visits etc; each county determines criteria for second parent adoption and less than liberal counties like Lancaster have included a lot of hoops through which to jump), and it takes money (cheapest, in the thousands and can run much more than this). Meanwhile, should anything happen to me, the wee ones will not collect my Social Security (until such time as our Government decides to abolish it and send old folks to icebergs in the Arctic...oops, forgot that those are melting; I guess out to sea, then). And I might have troubles with visitation rights, etc. Not to mention the rhetorical importance of being recognized immediately as a family, which is what we will be.

Anyway, will be interesting to see what happens in New Jersey. I cannot believe I am saying this, but if they do okay this: I want my kids to be born there. I might even move there!



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